Life without Bloat?

Is there such a thing? Or is it only a dream? I often wonder. Between being a perimenopausal woman, sleep issues and stress I have few days each month where I'm not fighting the demon know as bloat.
I'm sure it's my bodies way of fighting back for the things going on with it, some of which I'm sure I'm responsible for. Sleeping in short catnap stages isn't fair to my body... but believe me, I'd much rather sleep a good 6 straight hours. But most of the time I can't and my body pays me back by swelling up like a balloon. My feet and tootsies look a lot like stuffed sausages by end of the day.
Then of course being a woman at that "age" my hormones have decided they've been good little guys long enough, now it's PARTY TIME!!!! They are having all kinds of fun, wonderful things like growing hair where it shouldn't be and causing it to fall out where it should be, setting me up on emotional roller coaster rides with enough twist and turns to make any thrill junkie jealous. Of course they had to play around with everything so now I have the climate control from hell. One minute I'm shivering the next I look and feel like I took a nap in a bar-b-que pit. And then of course there is the ever popular BLOAT. Puffy face, swollen fingers, poochy belly... awww aren't I just too lovely for words.
But I dream of a time when I can have two full weeks with out looking like a puffer fish. Is that too much to ask? 14 whole days where my shoes aren't tight, my cloths hang loosely, toes that look like toes and a face that doesn't look like I have the mumps. Aww what a dream. When I was younger my dreams were more fanciful. I dreamed of being a teacher ( which I was for over 20 years), seeing the world, and of working in the art department at Disney. Can you even imagine being part of one of the old animated movies?! But I sure wanted to be. When I was a little older fresh out of college I wanted nothing more than to be a great teacher, to make a difference. I hope in some small way I did that. But now I've hit middle age and I just want my body back. It was never perfect, and I don't expect that now. All I want is just to deflate. Now tell me is that really too much to ask?